we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
