you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
