Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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