this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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