he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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