Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
