i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
