If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
