Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I would fuck him just for his dog
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
