The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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