chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
