don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
