I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
