sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
