My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
