I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
