My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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