i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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