Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
