I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
