I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
how drunk are you?
Several
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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