all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
