You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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