Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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