Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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