I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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