That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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