So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
