just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
