Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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