dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
