I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
