Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
