An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
