I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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