you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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