o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
