hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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