I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
