Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
