Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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