In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
