Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
