better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
