My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
