I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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