friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
