I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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