nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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