I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Holy shit dude........stairs
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